have i filled your shoes with lead darling?

virginia woolf filled her pockets with rocks

i read her last letter and i decided to take a bath

in the bathtub her ghost came to me

told me that my egomaniacal self absorbtion was the result of the mtv generation

i said i didn't have cable and that she was crazy and maybe she shouldnt bother me in the tub

she handed me a razor

i shook my head and said that if i was going to die it wouldn't be naked

she said maybe i should think of the people that i bring down and make depressed

i said that i wasn't her and if she felt guilty regarding her husband that was her business

but it made me think unsettling things anyway

i hummed the little song i sing to myself in bed

I don't exist I don't exist I don't exist

and i submerged myself waiting for some answer to come from this lukewarm baptism

i just got cold and the water got dirty

virginia was getting impatient.

can you at least hand me a towel? i asked

no.

i explained that i was american and twenty one and lonely and had writers block

and that combination made one too lazy to make decisions relating to the cessation of ones life

she said it was a clear cut lack of commitment to my craft

and i asked her if she wanted to watch eraserhead with me, it's pretty fucked up and you might like it i told her

she said ok, but only if i would consider hanging

i said i'd think about it just to shut her up

she handed me a towel

she's a huge david lynch fan now

and she doesn't bother me in the tub anymore